Do you ever feel like you’re not up to the mark? Do you have trouble believing in yourself? You really don’t have to be insecure about these feelings. It is common and a phenomenon experienced by everyone. But an overindulgence in these thoughts may stem from a lack of self-validation!
Self-validation is the act of accepting one’s own internal experiences, thoughts, and feelings. It doesn’t pertain to believing that your feelings and thoughts are justified. It’s customary to have opinions and views that don’t reflect your typical values. A more formal definition of self-validation is the feeling of having taken notice of one’s own worth or legitimacy.
Self-validation can also be concurrent with low self-esteem.
Self-esteem is one’s overall opinion of oneself. It stands for how an individual feels about their abilities and limitations. When a person has a healthy level of self-esteem, they tend to feel good about themselves and view themselves as deserving of others’ respect.
When an individual has a low level of self-esteem, very little value is put on their opinions and ideas, much like those who have a low level of self-validation.
Those with low self-esteem and consequently low self-validation generally have a lower quality of life. They often have negative feelings about themselves more often than others. They constantly indulge in self-criticism, which leads to unrelenting feelings of anxiety, sadness, shame, guilt, or even depression.
These individuals also have relationship problems. For instance, they may tolerate various types of unreasonable behavior their partner may elicit. They have the belief that they cannot be loved and appreciated and have to work for the same. They also experience a constant feeling of trying. They doubt their abilities and avoid challenges at large. They are also trying to be perfectionists.
Because of their lack of self-confidence, they engage in perfectionism. They constantly push themselves and try to become over-achievers. Those low on self-validation also have a fear of judgment. They avoid social gatherings and activities for fear of being negatively judged. They are also stressed and self-conscious in front of others. It is possible they also find it challenging to cope with challenging life events due to low resilience. They may also tend to have a lack of self-care. They may even abuse themselves, such as consuming excessive alcohol or doing hard drugs. To an extreme extent, they may also be engrossed in self-harming behaviors.
Reasons for low self-esteem may be due to unhappy childhoods. Parents and teachers may be too critical of children, which may lead to significant issues in self-validation. Children who are poor performers in school may experience feelings of low self-esteem. Those who have ongoing stressful life events quite often have low self-validation. For example, a breakup or financial troubles. Even being misused or ill-treated by partners can have an aversive effect on one’s self-validation. Medical issues or mental health problems may also contribute to low self-validation.
It can also be noted that self-validation could also be due to a lack of self-confidence in oneself. Self-confidence includes attitudes about one’s own skills and abilities. It comprises feelings of acceptance and trust and a sense of control of one’s own life. Those low on self-confidence are not aware of their own strengths and weaknesses and do not have a positive outlook on life and themselves.
Self-validation isn’t something the human species is born with. It is a fluctuating phenomenon and can be learned by those who lack it. The following are methods to increase one’s own internal validation.
- Practice mindfulness
What cannot be recognized cannot be validated. It is said that a non-judgemental awareness of one’s experiences can be learned to validate them. Acknowledging one’s own experiences without avoidance or distractions is a crucial step to self-validation. Being more mindful means being more aware of your emotions and building more strength to cope with the same.
- Be brutally honest
If not with others, they might as well be honest with themselves. Being imperfect is a pain, but accepting the same is imperative and usually the most difficult. Attempting to be a perfectionist can be an intense process for people, so they might as well be imperfect and happy rather than a perfectionist and go insane. The point is, to be honest with yourself. Accept your mistakes and mess-ups; it’s wholly okay and natural.
- Develop emotional intelligence
It’s pretty apparent today we all know that the emotional quotient is more important than the intelligence quotient. But honestly, who knows what exactly this ’emotional quotient’ means? The emotional quotient corresponds to the ability to understand, manage and use one’s own emotions in ways beneficial to the individual. It can be used to communicate effectively, relieve stress, empathizes with others, and defuse conflicts.
- Acknowledge your past experiences
You know that embarrassing thing you did when you were younger? Just let it go, mate! It’s not worth brooding over and feeling embarrassed about over and over again. Just accept it and move on with life. Both positive and adverse experiences in life are what made you who you are today. Embrace both of these, learn from both of these, validate them, and head out strong.
- Believe in yourself
The last and final alive we can give you is to believe in yourself. Trust your gut and see where it takes you. Being afraid and dependent on others is something everyone does, and at times, it is entirely okay to do so. But preferably, in the majority of the situations at least, try to believe in your own decisions. By doing so, you can also see your self-confidence grow. And we all know once your self-confidence heightens, your self-validation will also skyrocket, or so we hope.
Validating one’s own thoughts, and emotions can be tremendously beneficial to oneself. It helps you calm yourself more efficiently and manage emotions with affluence. By validating yourself, you can better understand and accept yourself. Consequently, this leads to better self-identification. Furthermore, it aids your ability to manage intense emotions.
Not to sound corny, but self-validation helps you find prudence.
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